Hi there. If you have ever followed my blog you’ll likely have noticed that I’ve been conspicuous by my absence this year, and you may have even fleetingly wondered if I did a runner – disappeared into thin air – pulled a Houdini – skipped town without leaving a forwarding address – caught the ‘last train to Clarksville’, or, gulp, even worried that I had ‘shed my mortal coil’ and my family had simply forgotten to inform WordPress of my passing.
But none of these possible scenarios capture the truth about where I’ve been, what I’ve been up to, why I disappeared from the online writing community or why I’ve decided to return.
The truth is that I didn’t disappear completely–I’ve been hovering around the perimeter of the blogging world, following sites that I enjoy and sometimes even leaving what I hope were thoughtful comments on blog posts that touched me or tickled me or otherwise caused me to put fingers to keyboard, but the truth also is that I haven’t written a post for my own blog since much earlier in the year.
That’s a long time to have neglected this writing journey that I enjoy and love, and I am well aware of what typically happens when things, like relationships, are ignored and neglected for too long – they fade and wither and waste away, dying a slow, silent death that oftentimes goes unnoticed.
That may have already happened to my blog – Two Steps Forward, One Step Back – I may be writing this post in a virtual void where it will never be seen by another pair of eyes, and I can’t say that I would be surprised if this turns out to be the case. In fact, I would say that I probably deserve to slip away into anonymity, never to be heard from again.
But I hope that’s not what happens. I hope I’m given a second chance. I miss the blogging community and I want to return to writing posts that I hope will touch people or entertain them or make them think about their lives, about life in general and about the world around us.
I debated scrapping my old blog site and beginning fresh with a new address and a new name, because I’ve decided that I want to write about whatever I want to write about, without being afraid that my family and friends will read my shot-from-the-heart posts and will be shocked or appalled or upset by the thoughts that roll around in my head and eventually turn into words that appear on the screens of anyone who cares to read them. What will people think of me if I am as open as I want to be when I write?
When I mentioned my dilemma to a couple of my blogging friends they encouraged me to keep my current site, even if I change the working title of my blog.
My old posts are like ongoing journal entries, they said, that show my pain and my joy and my quirkiness but also my growth as a writer. To delete them would be like going backwards in time, and at this stage in my life I’ve decided that I want to do my best to only move forward. Sure, it means moving forward to my inevitable death, but that’s where we’re all headed anyway, so why not make the most of the journey until the road comes to an end.
After thinking about this, I’ve decided to keep my current Word Press site, but will change the working title to ‘Shots From The Heart’, at least for now. I think that blog sites and blog names naturally evolve and change focus as the individual blog writers evolve and change focus, and I think that is good.
However, I want to give an FYI to any former or current or future followers of my site that I don’t plan to mince words in my upcoming posts – if I want to write about breasts then I will write about breasts – in fact, I am going to write about breasts – and I may write about other body parts and about relationships and about the sexes and maybe even about sex. Oh my goodness – someone please pass the smelling salts!
I may write about loneliness and about being afraid and being vulnerable because of being lonely and afraid.
I will likely write about depression and about chronic illness and acute illness and about my frustration with the medical profession over what I see as a lack of compassion and knowledge when attempting to treat certain diseases and conditions.
But I also plan to write about what makes me smile or laugh out loud, about things that bring a spark of joy to my life and about new experiences I’m trying as I venture down this road as a ’60-something’ woman.
I want to write my blog posts with a ‘no holds barred’ attitude this time around, but I’m realistic enough to admit that I’ll have to see how brave I really am when it comes to cutting myself open to bleed on the page.
I do promise that I will write to help me make sense of my world – not to hurt anyone or shock anyone or try to titillate. And I will try to write only after serious reflection when the subject matter I choose might be controversial in nature, and it will only be my opinion that I offer for sacrifice.
I really hope you’ll join me on my journey of words; I’d love your company.
Along the way I’ll likely talk about where I’ve been, physically and emotionally, and about where I think I’m headed.
It’s true that we might have a bumpy ride sometimes, but I think every journey has to have its share of potholes and detours and delays in order for us to appreciate the smoothness of the open road, the magic of unexpected scenery and the opportunity to pause for a bit in quiet reflection.
So I’ll talk to you again soon. Bye for now, and thanks so much for giving me another chance.