Hello, I am a super-hero, hereafter to be known as ‘The Procrastinator’.
I don’t leap tall buildings or catch bullets with my teeth; I don’t hunt down criminals with crazy names like Penguin or The Joker; I don’t battle cyborgs or put myself in danger to protect Sarah Conner. I do none of those tedious chores.
However, if you have something that you should do today but want to put off until tomorrow–I’m the super-hero you should call. If you need to make a dental appointment but hate the thought of going to the dentist–call me; I’ll put off booking that appointment for you until your teeth rot in your head and fall out of your mouth. If you bought a present for Great Aunt Myrtle’s birthday but haven’t mailed it yet–hand it over to me; I’ll procrastinate so long that your Great Auntie will be in danger of passing away without ever receiving that gift you so thoughtfully chose. You can rest assured that no task is too minor or too major for me to tackle, and I laugh in the face of urgency.
“Ha-Ha,” I say. “Take that, income-tax deadline!”
“Hello, Christmas morning! Guess I should see if any stores are open today so that I can buy a turkey!”
“So you really weren’t kidding, empty gas tank!”
I used to think that everyone was as proficient at procrastinating as I am. But I was wrong–there are actually people ‘out there’ that meet deadlines, that mail birthday cards on time, that even wash a load of laundry before they’re down to their last pair of knickers! Inconceivable.
Then there are the rank-amateur procrastinators, the ones that let a deadline slide by a mere day or two before capitulating, that turn their last pair of undies inside-out to wear while the laundry is being done, that mail the birthday card on the day of the birthday but compensate for it by also sending an e-card that day. As I said, amateurs–wanna-be procrastinators–the Robins of the world to the Bat-Men of my Super-Hero world.
Maybe I should teach a course: “How to Excel at Procrastination”–I’ll know the course is a success the night that nobody shows up for it!
But first things first. I would need to create an outline, a Facilitator Guide, student hand-outs, and exam questions before I book a room at the local community college or post advertising fliers on store bulletin boards. And I definitely would need a super-hero outfit to wear to class, so I should go shopping for that soon, too, though I question whether I’ll find an outfit suitable for ‘The Procrastinator’ without having it custom-made, and before I can have it custom-made I have to choose a design, a symbol, and a color combination.
Which brings me to the main point of today’s post: I need your help to figure out what a well-dressed Procrastinator Super-Hero should wear! I need color choices, people. I need ideas for an awesome symbol to be emblazoned on the outfit, I need decisions about cape length, thoughts as to tiara versus headband, and suggestions for appropriate yet appealing footwear to complement my outfit. Hey, I need to know if I should wear tights or leggings!
Please, fellow bloggers and readers, I appeal to your generous, giving nature to help this super-hero blogger choose some decent threads! In return, I will be forever in your debt.
Thank you so much.
PS–Don’t procrastinate. I mean it this time. Really. Do it now. Now.