December 13, 2010

One year ago today my husband died. It has been a rough year, a year filled with ‘firsts’ that I would rather never have experienced: the first Easter without him, his birthday in May, the first Father’s Day that we didn’t bar-b-q and give him the latest ‘must-have’ tool from the local hardware store. It was the first summer at our cottage that he wasn’t there to fix a pipe or share a glass of wine on the deck; it was the first Thanksgiving dinner without him to carve the turkey and prepare the coleslaw, and it was the first wedding anniversary that I didn’t receive a card and a kiss from my beloved. And now it is the one-year mark of his death.

Family members and friends have reached out to let me know that they also remember what today is, and that they are just a phone call away if I want a visit or a chat. But although I am comforted knowing that other people loved Gary and remember him and miss him, I chose to remain hunkered down in my home for the day. I have stared out the living room window and reflected how the dark and sombre sky mirrored my mood; I have browsed through family pictures on my laptop and in photo albums; I have tried several times to capture my jumbled thoughts on paper, as if  writing them down will help me make sense of them.

While I haven’t managed to make sense of my world, what I have realized today is that no matter how many difficult ‘firsts’ I have experienced in this last year, the worst one happened Dec 13, 2009, when I had to whisper good-bye to the man I loved almost  my entire life. I miss you, Gary, and will never forget you.


14 thoughts on “December 13, 2010

  1. Sylvia, I was saddened to read about the loss of your husband a year ago. Going through all those firsts-without-your-husband must have been heartache after heartache. May the memories of him and the love you shared bring yu a measure of comfort. I can hardly bear to think of life without my husband.

  2. You must be so lonely. But you have beautiful memories. A true love is a treasure but life is so uncertain. Thanks for sharing your feelings. I’m very touched and wish you all the best as you move on with the memories of your love to inspire you.

  3. Sorry for your loss Sylvia, It is good to talk about people that we loved that passed away. It helps with the grieving. There will always be that special place in our hearts we carry our memories of our loved ones.

    A heartfelt touching tribute to your Gary he sounds like a Wonderful Man.

  4. I am so sorry for your loss I can only imagine how much it hurts. May you find peace until you meet your beloved again, though I know he will always be with you in spirit.

    Much love and Reiki blessings to you. xx

  5. What a touching tribute. I know that your heart is hurting, how wonderful to be able to reflect and remember all the good memories. So few are as blessed to have shared such a love. May God bless and comfort you!

  6. my heart is with you today,,,,,,Ken and I say we will never forget, he was a great guy adn we have the most wonderful memories of all of you guys..,
    Love Mary and Ken and I did give Ken a hug!!

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